so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I FOUND THE LEGS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
