What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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