This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
