Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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