if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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