pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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