I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
