I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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