I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Still dying that you shit outside
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
