Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
