Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
