if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
