An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize