And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
