Soap is not a condiment
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
soo... how was my night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
