i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
