Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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