so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
