You just made me feel so damn special
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
