I CAN MOONWALK!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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