Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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