Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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