1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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