i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
