Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
