Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Blow job season was short but glorious.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
