No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
