What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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