May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
