I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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