your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize