If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize