i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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