You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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