then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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