The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
