He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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