So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
