I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
