I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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