First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
