I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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