Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
