Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
