i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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