Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the raccoons are back...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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