we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
