I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
