Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
