32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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