i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
