I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
