I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
birth control should be required to get into college
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
