Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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