i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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