I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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