I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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