We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
