I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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