Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
