Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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