She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
