How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
