Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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