Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
vagina is talking i cant
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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