Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So many bounce houses so little time
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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