I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
