i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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