So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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