i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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