he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
