a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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