So gin and wine won't be happening again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
