No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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